Ecclesia Crucis

Working Dads

Pray tell, why is it that a dad out with the kids is still such a novelty?  My husband had our three kids out at the craft store last weekend.  A woman approached him and asked sweetly, "Mommy's morning off?"  My husband responded quickly and probably just as sweetly "My wife is at home writing her dissertation for her PhD." 

I wouldn't have thought of that line myself.  But my hubby with the quick wit responded.  So thanks to my parenting partner - a working dad - who never gets a morning, afternoon or evening off.  And frankly, neither do I.  We're parents.  And we share in the responsibility for raising our children. 

I've decided from now on when I meet a man who has children to ask first, "so what's it like being a working dad?"  "Is it hard to balance?"  "Are you a hockey dad, a soccer dad, a basketball dad or a baseball dad?"  "Or, maybe you are a ballet dad, a piano dad or a karate dad?" 

Or maybe I'll just refer to myself as a "working parent."  Is it the twenty-second century yet?

Working Mothers - some initial thoughts

I am fretting deeply about Sarah Palin and the image of a full-time working mom which she brings to the national spotlight.  As a working mother I am inspired by her in many ways.  But I am afraid the national spotlight will view her as a working "hockey" mom first...polititian second.  I think that has already happened.  And the skeptic in me thinks that is why she was choosen in the first place - which I resent deeply.

And then again, I wonder, don't I portray myself as a full-time working mother?  When I dropped off my daughter at kindergarten today (the first time even though this is her third day) it didn't take more than a couple seconds for the cafeteria monitor to find out that I work.

Monitor: (Looking to my daughter) Do you have any sisters and brothers?
TT: (Peaking out from behind my back) Yes.
Me: She has a sister and a brother.
Monitor: Oh, how old are they?
Me and TT together: 2 and 9 months.
Monitor: Oh wow, mom you have your hands full.  You stay at home, yes?
Me: No. I work full time.
Monitor: Around here?
Me: No. In the District.  We have an au pair.
Monitor: That's great.
The other monitor: Can you bring me information tomorrow about having an au pair?  My daughter works and she just had a baby last month.  She has her baby on the daycare waitlist at her work and currently has a spot reserved at the local Goddard school.  An au pair might be a wonderful idea for her.
Me: Absolutely.  I'd love to!

I have this SAME conversation nearly every single day.  Yes, I am a working mother and sometimes the mother identity emerges first in conversation and sometimes the professor identity emerges first.

I put my family information on my CV (just like my dad does) because they are so much a part of who I am.  My family is a part of my resume.  So, what does it mean for me as a working mother to see a VP candidate who does basically what I do by keeping her family integrated within her working self?  It means she has the same conversations I do each and every day.  In this way I admire her.

A Fall Beginning

I'm home from our faculty retreat.  A day and a half of sitting, eating and meeting together has left me very tired.  But the semester is starting and that means, finalizing syllabi, finishing summer projects and establishing routines and schedules for the fall.

I actually like the fall because it's a new beginning.  As I look over my New Year's resolutions from earlier in the year I see have quite a few that I need to renew.

My favorite websites

I don't spend a lot of time surfing the web.  Instead I have four websites to which I subscribe.  Each site sends me emails weekly and some daily.

For housecleaning and organizational tips: FlyLady
    I've been using her tips for nearly five years!

For shopping lists and meal planning: Saving Dinner
    I've been subscribing to Leanne's Low-Carb Meal planner for almost four years!

For keeping up with the development of my three children: Baby Center
    I've been receiving weekly emails from this site long before TT was born!  Now I receive up to four emails a week; one for each of my kids and another for me.

And for when I'm in over my head and need to feel connected to working moms: Mommy Track'd
    I'm relatively new to this site but it's a welcomed addition to my weekly reading!  Always exactly what the procrastinating perfectionist needs to get real!

Do you know of any good sites? Let me know!

More thoughts...with hot coffee

I'm sitting at my computer at 8:00 in the morning with a hot cup of coffee at my side.  It tastes (and smells) so good!  TT and BB are with LZ's mother at a hotel.  She kindly came down to spare me on this 10th day of LZ's trip.  Our littlest one is down for his morning nap so I have one hour of quiet.

So here are more thoughts...
The intensive course I led last week was an incredible experience for me.  In a class of 23 we had represented United Methodists, Presbyterians, Franciscan Friars, AMEs, Baptists, UCCs, Episcopalians, and me as the sole Lutheran.  The diversity also included African Americans, Caucasians and a Latina.  Some were Christians from birth; others came to Christianity later in life.  Some, such as myself, have been only been affiliated with one particular denomination; others have participated in countless denominations.  We learned quickly that our own identifiers aren't the only ones we bring to a classroom experience because those we know and perhaps love -- who may be very different from us -- also come with us in our hearts and minds.  (For instance I represent the ELCA and yet I have family members for whom I care deeply that represent the Missouri Synod.  Initially my comments in a class might arise from my ongoing conversation with my family instead of dialog with those members of the class.)  How we approach a subject depends very much on our past experiences.  Although this is not a new concept within adult education we practiced it overtly in our class; learning together.

We explored teaching and learning in the church as a ministry of equipping.  We identified core practices within our traditions that encourage discipleship.  We learned together how to be fully embodied teachers and learners; walking the way of the cross.

These 23 students gave their whole selves to this course - mind, body and soul.  We celebrated the whole church.  We spoke passionately about our particular traditions.   I am grateful for the full participation of all.

(Update: I am posting this at 10:30 with my second cup of coffee cold on the table.  LZ's mother arrived a little early with a sick BB.  After numerous vomiting episodes this morning BB is crashed out on the floor
-- no temperature.  Kind friends took TT to church.  Littlest tyke and I are sitting amidst a pile of toys.  *sigh* I was really looking forward to worship today.)

Random thoughts that need a forum...

1. Perhaps this will be a good way to use my underutilized blog.
2. I have too many projects and not enough hours in the day to complete them.
3. I am a perfectionist procrastinator.  And a procrastinator perfectionist.  Neither is helpful as a mother of three.
4. I absolutely love what I have been called to do with my life.  This vocation is a deep, deep well.
5. I am confident that my hubby is living out his vocational call in spite of the fact that he is still waiting a congregational call.
6. Our children are delightful, especially when they sleep through the night.

More what?

Our 23 month old meandered into the kitchen, bowl in hand.  Looking up towards my husband she said, "more pffseees." 

From the dining room table, I looked up at my husband and said, "Aw, how cute.  Unprompted she said, 'more please.'"

He turned and looked up from his task of chopping up vegetables and exclaimed, "What did you say?"

"She is asking for more, but I think it's so cute she said please without prompting."

"Oh," my husband said, "I thought you said C has more poopies."

Our daughter's chorus continued "more pffseees" actually  quite patiently.

Poor child, all she wanted were "more fisheees."  Goldfish that is.

MLK Jr. and Disney Princesses cont.

Tonight we read Cinderella.  The story begins, "Once upon a time, a wealthy widower lived in a fine house with his daughter Cinderella...Sadly, the gentleman died soon after..."

"Died?"  TT exclaimed!  "Did a bad man with a gun shoot him?"  (a la MLK Jr.)

"No." and without thinking I said, "he probably got sick."

"Sick?" In her whimpery it's late at night and I'll cry at anything voice... "Mommy, I don't want you or Daddy or Cana or Naaman to get sick and die."

Noting my grave error..."Oh no. It's not like that, dear. Your mommy and daddy aren't going to die.  People get sick in many different ways.  And people die in many different ways.  Do you remember the story about Jesus?"

"No...but wait."  Off she scampered up the stairs to get her children's bible.  She flipped through her bible noting all the stories she passed by -- the flood, the frogs,the boy king David, etc.  "Look there's Naaman's story.  He had spots on him."  A page later -- "now they are gone!"

"Right," I said.  "Naaman was sick, but Elijah made him well."

TT quickly flipped to the New Testament.  "Look Mommy, it's my story.  Do you remember that I died?"  "Yes, sweetheart.  The girl - who has your name - in the story died."  TT put on her best know-it-all look dragging her syllables, "buuut, thheenn, Jesus made her all better again."

"Right again."  TT flipped to the end of her bible.  "Mommy, there it is.  The cross.  Look, Jesus died there."  (Then she pointed out that the three crosses were small, medium and large, a cocept she had learned at preschool this week.)

"Then what happened?" I asked.  "He came alive again," she said beaming.

Looking back to Cinderella's father, "So he didn't get shot by a bad man?"  "Nope," I responded, "just probably got sick."

"Mommy, can you just read the story now?" 

"Yup."

MLK Jr. and Disney Princesses

TT and I have been talking about MLK Jr.  She knows basically that he taught us how to love all people.  Her favorite book this week is Disney's Polite as a Princess which features the princesses practicing their manners.  Last night during her night-time prayers I asked her if there was anyone else for whom she'd like to pray. 

She responded: "for Martin Luther King Jr. who teaches princesses how to be polite." 

Kings and Princesses meet a 4-year old's imagination.

a new year...2008

Resolutions:

1. Finish dissertation and graduate. I'm in my fifth year of doctoral work.  In those five years I have had three children, served a congregation part-time (what's that?) and full-time, and served as an adjunct professor.  I'm eager to finish and the light at the end of the tunnel is growing brighter.

2. Pray. With Chris.  Alone.  And with our children.  Spontaneous.  Collects.  and the Catechism.

3. Be less critical. Of churches and their leadership.  Of myself. 

4. Compliment my husband once a day. This is personal.  365 days. ;)

5. Get real about household management. This is my biggest stressor.  Whether it's childcare, cleaning, or finances -- I worry constantly.  This year I want to adjust my expectations -- get real -- and then express my expectations as clearly as I am able.

Here's to a new year.  Cheers.